DANZO'S BRAIN

WHY A&M? WHY?

danzomatico — Mon, 15 Aug 2011 20:13:48 +0000

Why in the world would Texas A&M want to go to the SEC other than to get out of the shadow of the Longhorns? The people at A&M have been having a pissing contest with the Longhorns ever since ESPN announced the Longhorn Network. The Aggies are finally putting together a decent football team that can win 10 games a year and go to a big time bowl game but they’d rather go to a conference where they would win maybe 5. Because you hate the Longhorns you’re willing to take 2 steps back after finally taking that big step forward. No wonder there are about 874 Aggie jokes in the world and they have all been validated by science. And another thing dingbats, you’ll have to rewrite your 91-year-old fight song!

ZAMBRANO’S A NUT

danzomatico — Mon, 15 Aug 2011 20:01:54 +0000

Wow! Another Zambrano meltdown! The Cubs have suspended Carlos Zambrano for 30 days without pay for throwing at Chipper Jones twice, being ejected from the game, cleaning out his locker and telling team officials he was retiring, all after giving up 5 bombs to the Atlanta Braves on Saturday. For Zambrano, this just adds to the list of colossal melt downs. He calls out his teammates and calls them names and even once got into a fight with Derrek Lee in the dugout during a game. If anything, I believe the Big Z needs to retire from baseball and take up MMA. At least then he can legitimately call out guys and get into fights. Maybe he can sign with the WWE where he can whack a few guys with folding steel chairs or trash can lids. Game on.

MORONS

danzomatico — Fri, 12 Aug 2011 17:43:34 +0000

Why do people always have to yell, “GET IN THE HOLE!”, when they are at PGA events. It makes no difference where the ball is, someone yells it when the golfer strikes his ball. 200 yards out, 50 feet from the hole, it makes no sense morons. What do you tell your buddies on Monday? “Did you guys hear me yell get in the hole when Rory was hitting his 2nd shot on that par 5?” If Shooter McGavin was playing he’d probably tell you, “this is a golf tournament not a rock concert morons!”

PGA CHAMPIONSHIP

danzomatico — Fri, 12 Aug 2011 17:23:04 +0000

Tiger hasn’t teed off yet since his horrible performance in round 1 so the good news is nothing bad has happened yet.

GREATEST ATHLETE EVER

danzomatico — Tue, 09 Aug 2011 20:12:23 +0000

Ever since Deion Sanders went into the NFL Hall of Fame, I’ve been hearing some people call him the greatest athlete ever all because he played baseball, football and was a 3 sport letter in Florida in high school. Are you kidding me? First off, Bo Jackson was a much better baseball player and one of the best at his position in football before his career ending injury. Second, Jim Thorpe not only won Olympic medals in the pentathlon and decathlon, but he also played college and pro football, baseball and basketball. Finally, the greatest athlete ever was no doubt Jim Brown. He was a four sport Letterman at Syracuse in football, basketball, track and lacrosse. He is highly regarded as the greatest football ever and instead of being MC Hammer’s homie in the 90′s he made The Dirty Dozen and I’m Gonna Get You Sucka. The End!

MY YANKEES

danzomatico — Tue, 09 Aug 2011 19:49:28 +0000

Ok here’s the deal! If AJ Burnett goes out again tonight and can’t make it past 6 innings and gives up 5 runs, he is required to give back 50% of his $15 mil salary and Ivan Nova takes his spot in the rotation.

JOE PA

danzomatico — Tue, 09 Aug 2011 18:50:01 +0000

I wrote a piece a while back on Joe Paterno and my feeling on him haven’t changed. I still believe he is one of the best college coaches ever and overall just a wonderful person, but at the age of 84 it might be time to hangup the cleats. While at practice the other day, he got blindsided by a player and suffered a hairline fracture to his pelvis. In the last few years he has broken his leg, injured his hip, which ultimately got replaced, and damaged knee ligaments. Now does this make the program bad? NO. Does this make him a bad recruiter or game planner? NO. Does this stop kids dreaming of going to Penn State? NO. Ok, maybe I’m jumping the gun. He doesn’t havent to retire, just maybe stand back a few more yards.

LONGHORN NETWORK

danzomatico — Mon, 08 Aug 2011 17:36:22 +0000

Ok Time Warner Cable, you better get off your ass and obtain the Longhorn Network or else the people in Austin won’t be able to watch their beloved Horns. How sad would that be TWC? Not only does the city that houses the Horns can’t watch them but you lose about 250k subscribers. I’ll pay extra with AT&T again just so I can watch my Horns play football. And you can quote me on that!

MY DAMN YANKEES

danzomatico — Mon, 08 Aug 2011 17:27:02 +0000

Why cant the Yankees beat the Red Sawks? It seems they are either getting blown out of lose a lead and barely lose. The Sawks don’t have a more superior team they just seem to get lucky when it comes to playing their rival lately. The good news is that they only have a one game lead on my beloved Yankees so that makes me laugh and shake my fist. So laugh it up while you can Sawks fans, I have a feeling we’ll see you in the playoffs and that’s where it matters.

CADDIE LINGO

danzomatico — Mon, 08 Aug 2011 17:19:07 +0000

There seems to be some disagreement on why and how Tiger fired Stevie. Tiger says in person, Stevie says on the phone. Tiger says it was time to ‘take a break’ and Stevie says that’s caddie lingo for ‘you’re fired’ What’s obvious is that the Stevie was on Adam Scott’s bag and he won and Tiger came in 33rd despite playing well for all things considered. After Stevie said, “It’s been the most fun thing. It’s the greatest week of my life caddying, and I sincerely mean that,” I can’t wait for the tell all book!